Leaving Depok and Jakarta

Sunday, October 30, 2016

I’ve been living in Depok for 4 years. I came here as a freshman in Universitas Indonesia, and Depok and Jakarta have become my playground ever since. I spend my time in Depok mostly. But it’s been a year and half, I have to go back and forth to Jakarta for my internship and work.

4 years in these two cities doesn’t make me a traffic-tolerant. I cursed everytime I got trapped in traffic. And those one and half year didn’t make me able to understand how KRL can be so super crowded and messy in rush hour. But those year made me realise that eventually what I’m looking for, is not something that these cities can give.

It’s a pride tho, to be enrolled in UI and studied there for 3.5 years. I am still amazed that what I dreamt during my high school could finally come true, and sometimes it feels unreal that I was graduated. I can still remember how I felt upset when I was rejected in SNMPTN Undangan, how I worked my a-off to prepare myself for SNMPTN Tulis, and how I was very happy knowing my test result afterwards. Not gonna forget to mention my college life journey, filled with weekly handwritten tasks, student organizations and all the projects I handled, sleepless nights when I was finishing my thesis, and you know, the “hell yeah I survived business school!” feeling after having my thesis defense. I did everything in such full spirit back then. 

The funny thing (for me) is, I lost all the hype just after I graduated. I am no longer interested in “living the best” as I did on my college time. I no longer have something big that I want to achieve in life. It feels like I just follow the stream to live, trying so hard to meet people’s expectation, and worse, living my life with other’s standard, not mine. I turned into a 9-6 kind of person, with no intention to be better each day, one with endless complain about traffic and crowded KRL, one with no energy on weekend because I’ve put it all to survive the weekdays. I am losing myself and I am aware of it.

It took six months for me to finally decide that I can no longer be like this. I can no longer be someone I can barely recognise. I need to find my old self, the I-know-what-to-do one, the I-have-to-live-my-days-as-if-it-is-the-last-day-of-my-life one, and the I-have-to-catch-my-dreams-no-matter-what-obstacles-are one. I choose to leave Depok and Jakarta, for my own good. 

Everyone around me asked if I’m sure to leave and most of them asked the reason behind the decision. Well, my answer is simple actually,
Yes, I am sure to leave, because I can’t find any reason to stay.

People might say that it’s a pity that I am leaving because I can get a lot of works here, the salary is pretty good too. But it’s never about money. It’s never about how many jobs I can get here. It is because I can’t get what I’m looking for after my college finished. I am craving for journey, learning something new, meeting new people, wandering and strolling around without having to worry about traffic or getting my wallet stolen in train. And I can’t get it here, either in Jakarta or Depok.

What am I gonna do after leaving then? Well I already in the process to apply for Master Degree, not in UI again, of course. And my dad already planned to have a trip with me to my grandparents’ house in Madura. And oh, I guess there will be many holiday trip with my family after this. I just want to clear my mind and all those plans seem good.

If you’re reading this, whoever you are: a stranger who happens to know me through my blog, a relative who read this from the link I shared on my social media, or someone who have free time and decided to stumble upon my blog, I hope you can find what you really want in your life. And please, find yourself if you think you’re about to or you already lost.

And for you two, Depok and Jakarta, thank you for the journey pals. See you in better circumstances.

I travel the world to get to where you are

Strangers i met along the way
You forget Jakarta
Leaving all the lunacy behind
This time give me back my sanity

Forget Jakarta - Adhitia Sofyan

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2 comment(s)

  1. Sometimes I feel the same way as you did, I'm stuck too. Lucky for you, you can choose. But, Life is not meant to be in one place right.
    What a nice and fresh post, I miss you writting in this blog, make it weekly please :*

    inez, your blogmates


    1. At least Malang is way less-crowded than Jakarta, Nez. I need a trigger to write tho, that's why I rarely write haha sorry :"