79 of 366: Balance

Saturday, March 19, 2016

Hello, Folks. It’s been a while since I write in my blog and I’m kinda excited but also confused to write something new. Well it’s already in the middle of the March and there are lots of thing, literally a lot of things, happened in my life from the beginning of the year.

Let me start telling you the good news first:

January 4
I am officially passed my thesis-defence, which means I am officially having additional S. IA behind my name, which also means I finished my grad-school! It gave me a spectacular joyous feeling, after whatever happened during the process of finishing my thesis: 2.5 months only for the entire process of finishing it, break-up just 5 days before the due date, and the super-hectic-and-brain-wrecking data analysing process. BUT HEY I MADE IT! And it was more and more satisfying when my supervisor (or so called Dosen Pembimbing) told me the score that I got for the thesis :D

January 22 
I turned 21 and you know what? Put a check mark on my “21 and Graduated” wishlist I made last year.

February 6 
THIS IS THE DAY WHERE I WAS OFFICIALLY GRADUATED FROM UNIVERSITAS INDONESIA. AM I HAPPY? YES, I AM SUPER HAPPY. But a little bit sad because my brother couldn’t attend my graduation because he had some sort of business related to his school.

Believe me, it’s such a very pleasant beginning of the year. I can say I am proud of myself because I can manage to stay sane and focus on my target eventhough I got my heart broken in the end of 2015. Should I call myself a strong girl now?

Well, the answer is no, or at least, not really.

We all know that life always come in balance, right? There’s dark after the sunny day, there’s yin to the yang, there’s good to the bad, and there will be a taste of sorrow after we taste the happiness. And that’s what happened to me.

After all the precious happy moments, I got hit by an ugly truth, a very ugly one. Let’s just say, imagine yourself got hurt by something that you believe will never hurt you. The pain felt so unbearable, and you don’t want to believe that it was real, but it was real. It was really real. That’s the kind of pain I felt. I trembled, I felt my heart broken worse than I ever felt before, I felt my world broken all at once. I lost myself for a while, and I tried to run away from the pain by doing anything I never did before. I asked myself “Why?” but I just couldn’t find the right answer.

Ego. It is human’s ego, the answer for my why. It was hard for me to accept the truth about the ego-thing. But in the end I try to make peace to my surroundings and accept that sometimes people made mistakes because their ego needs to be fed, their ego needs something to made it felt better though it mostly brought chaos to others.

My bestfriend once said, “Being an adult means you need to chill when you got a problem. Not in the I-won’t-give-a-damn-about-this way, but in the I-will-accept-and-let-go-of-this way. Being an adult means you can accept that sometimes life gets hard, but it won’t last forever.”

Well I am 21 now. I am graduated and already got a job (this is another life comes in balance-thing) that I want. And now I am listening to a playlist named Evening Acoustic on Spotify filled with 80 nice songs on a Saturday night. What’s not to be grateful for? The good and the bad will come and go, but life goes on, right? As long as I can stick to the “Accept and Let Go” motto, I guess everything will be alright, eventually

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